The Next Week

I really can't say much of what really went on within the next few weeks, it is all such a blur, even today. The only reason that I can believe that I managed to keep it all together was through the love of God, and precious friends. God was holding me up and keeping my thoughts going in the right direction. Without Him leading me, showing me, carrying me when I couldn't walk by myself, I really don't think I would be even trying to write this. Even now it is only through His love and guidence that I am begining to write about this past year in my life. There is one other dear dear friend that I must mention here as well. It all started out as an invitation to a web site by a dear online friend. It was there, in Women of PASSIONS that I met Jan. We had talked online for about a year, when Phil went to be with the Lord. We hadn't talked on the phone or met as of yet. Since I didn't want to let her know what was going on by email, I called her, first time talking to her. She sounded wonderful, so sympathetic and understanding, which I had already thought of her as just from the web site. When I told her when the memorial service was to take place, without even a moments hesitation, she said she would be there. Now she lived in the States and I am in Canada, how was she going to make that trip? I tried the best that I could to make my home inviting to her, wondering if she did show up, I still had my doubts, where would she sleep? Surely one couldn't come all that way and then just head back the same day. But sure enough she said she would be arriving at my place at a certain time, I forget what time it was, and there she was, pulling into my driveway. Wow I felt so honored and loved at that moment. To think that someone would actually drop everything, and come to me. What a lady. I knew from the web site that Jan was a busy lady, but, true to her word, here she was sitting in my living room. Coming all that way just to be beside me and comfort me, now that is surely a true friend and is still to this day, a very dear friend. I have no words to say that would express my appreciation. Jan I really don't know if I ever did say thank you, but I am sure that you will be reading this sometime so THANKYOU. THANKYOU THANKYOU.

The memorial service was lovely. Phil wasn't one for formality, or for going to anyone elses home for visits, so I figured that there would only be a few people there. A friend of ours had just said goodbye to their mother a week before hand, and her son was a Pastor as well. He came and asked if he could sing a song for Phil. He has a beautiful singing voice so of course I said sure. He sang In The Garden and it was lovely, I just sat there in tears. Phil had a lovely memorial service with at least six Pastor's showing up. lol. I was in awe of all the people that were walking in. The Pastor was surprised as well. They just kept on coming and coming. Finally there was standing room only. Afterwards I found out that they were even outside, cuz there was no room inside. Even as I write this, the tears are flowing. I never thought that this many people would want to say goodbye to Phil, or show me that they cared. Like I said, neither of us were outgoing, we just prefered to stay by ourselves, do our job and leave it at that. The restaurant next door to the church was what Phil used to call his office. If anyone was looking for either of us, they knew that they could find us there, or leave a message there and we would get it. Well they took up a collection for me and handed over a nice thick envelope. For the next week or so, I couldn't pay for anything that I had to eat or drink. Even today, when I go there, I always get free coffee, if not a complete meal. Peter is another great friend who helped feed me, and comfort me along with all the staff at the Pancake House in Smithville.

The next few days are a blur, not sure what went on. I remember wandering what was I going to do now? How was I going to live? Where was I going to live? I only knew that I couldn't stay where I was. How was I going to get everything cleaned up, remember we had a scrap yard. There were cars, peices of cars, and scrap everywhere. What was I going to do now? It seemed like it would never get done. I just couldn't do it, I couldn't walk into the barn, where Phil's tools, work, and memories were. I kept asking Why Why Why? Phil wasn't suppose to leave me, we were both happy for the fist time in our lives. We were suppose to grow old together, sit on the rocking chairs and sip coffee together. We were suppose to live forever together. He was my all. What was I going to do now? I had to stay strong, no one was going to do it for me. Yes my sister was beside me all through but she leans on me for support, not the other way around. I had to stay strong for her. I couldn't break down, not now.

Another great friend, Gail, was beside me through it all as well. Her son and a couple of his friends, were just starting to learn to restore cars, and Phil was trying to show them and help them out as much as he could. Well Brian and all his friends, just jumped right in. They came in and cleaned up the barn, sorted out good junk from bad junk, cleaned up the area perfectly. I don't know what I would of done without them. The scrap yard that we dealt with, just took in all the scrap, without it being sorted and gave me top dollars for it. They didn't have to they just did. A friend who owns a tow truck, came and took the cars into the scrap yard, and didn't charge me anything. Where did these people come from? Only God, He knew that I needed help and He made sure that I got it. Within one week, 10 years of scrap and junk were cleaned out and I now had a bit of money to go on with. A big thank you to all who came to help, I don't have to mention their names, if they ever read this, they will know who they are.

Time to stop again for another little while, will try to do more later.