When Will The Pain Stop?

When Will The Pain Stop?On that summer day back in 1992, I thought that my life just wasn’t worth living. After a terrible, rough relationship I was again alone, sitting in Tim Horton’s trying to enjoy another cup of coffee and figure out how I was going to start my life over again with a teenage daughter. Never did I even imagine that when I heard someone say, Suzie, is that you? that this would be the first day of my new life. Turning around I was looking at my first love Phil. I was speechless; I mean what do you say after nearly 20 years apart. We sat and talked and talked. We both had been through the wringer with our relationships and we both were ready to just give up. We had so much more in common now than what we had when we were just children. My mind was going in several different directions. What should I do? What should I say? Should I take another chance? Could this be the right time? I didn’t know or understand what was happening or why it was happening. My daughter and I had been so hurt, in the past, physically, emotionally, and sexually abused, how could I even think about talking to another man? I tried very politely to leave time and time again, but just seemed to be glued to the seat.

After a few meetings, I finally agreed to go back to Phil’s place and spend some alone time with him. My daughter had met him, seemed to like him, so that was all that mattered. Phil was just the person I needed, someone to be a friend, someone to talk to, someone who understood. He seemed to be the same sweet, kind, boy that I remembered back when we were just teenagers. Time went by and we soon became more than friends. On August 1, 1993 we moved into a new house in the country and began our lives over. In September, 1993, we both were introduced to God by a neighbor. As time went on we wanted to give out lives to the Lord, but we were living in sin. We decided that we could always get married and then do it, so on September 1 1994, I became Mrs. Philip Barker. This was the happiest day of my life. I had finally found someone who really cared and figured we would spend the rest of our lives together. Although we had our ups and downs the next 15 years were unforgettable. I was finally happy, I was finally at peace. I know that the peace and contentment was from God and He was the reason that we both were in the same place at the same time after so many years.

I couldn’t figure out why I was so blessed. I hadn’t done anything right up to then. I knew that this was just too good to continue. On August 31, 2007, my world come tumbling down. Phil, my life, my partner, my soul mate, went to be with the Lord. Why? I cannot fathom why. I cannot understand why. I cannot even believe why. But for some reason God decided that it was his time to go home to him. My life will never be the same. I yelled, I screamed, I cried out to God, but didn’t get the answers I wanted, and probably won’t until that glorious day when either Jesus comes back to earth, or I go up and join Phil in heaven.

Now I am working through the grieving process. It is not an easy walk. I have ups and downs. There are times that I want to end it all right now just so that I can see Phil again. In order to try to understand and get through all of this, I have done this study on the grieving process, both from the world’s eyes and from the Bible. It is my prayer that just maybe it will be of help to someone else who may be going through the same feelings of loss, hopelessness, and grief.

Sooner or later we will all experience some kind of grief.Grief is expressed physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually.

Physical expressions of grief often include crying and sighing, headaches, loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping, weakness, fatigue, feelings of heaviness, aches, pains, and other stress-related ailments.Emotional expressions of grief include feelings of sadness and yearning. However, feelings of worry, anxiety, frustration, anger, or guilt are also normal.

Social expressions of grief may include feeling detached from others, isolating yourself from social contact, and behaving in ways that are not normal for you.

God knew grief, he experienced grief. That’s what we need now, someone who is familiar with suffering. Someone who’s passed through this door and come out the other side. And yet, according to Scripture, grief is not entirely negative. It gives us a heart of wisdom—it deposits a spiritual and emotional understanding that is not found on the outskirts of human existence, but at the very center of what it really means to be alive.

Genesis 50:1-11Joseph threw himself upon his father and wept over him and kissed him. Then Joseph directed the physicians in his service to embalm his father Israel. So the physicians embalmed him, taking a full forty days, for that was the time required for embalming. And the Egyptians mourned for him seventy days. When the days of mourning had passed, Joseph said to Pharaoh's court, "If I have found favor in your eyes, speak to Pharaoh for me. Tell him, ‘My father made me swear an oath and said, "I am about to die; bury me in the tomb I dug for myself in the land of Canaan." Now let me go up and bury my father; then I will return.' “Pharaoh said, "Go up and bury your father, as he made you swear to do." So Joseph went up to bury his father. All Pharaoh's officials accompanied him—the dignitaries of his court and all the dignitaries of Egypt- besides all the members of Joseph's household and his brothers and those belonging to his father's household. Only their children and their flocks and herds were left in Goshen. Chariots and horsemen also went up with him. It was a very large company. When they reached the threshing floor of Atad, near the Jordan, they lamented loudly and bitterly; and there Joseph observed a seven-day period of mourning for his father. When the Canaanites who lived there saw the mourning at the threshing floor of Atad, they said, "The Egyptians are holding a solemn ceremony of mourning." That is why that place near the Jordan is called Abel Mizraim.

When Jacob died at the age of 147, Joseph wept and mourned for months.

When someone close to us dies, we need a long period of time to work through our grief. Crying and sharing our feelings with others helps us recover and go on with life. Allow yourself and others the freedom to grieve over the loss of a loved one, and give yourself time enough to complete your grieving process.

2 Samuel 1:11-12Then David and all the men with him took hold of their clothes and tore them. They mourned and wept and fasted till evening for Saul and his son Jonathan, and for the army of the LORD and the house of Israel, because they had fallen by the sword.“They mourned and wept and fasted till evening.” David and his men were visibly shaken over Saul’s death. Their actions showed their genuine sorrow over the loss of their king, their friend Jonathan, and the other soldiers of Israel who died that day. They were not ashamed to grieve. Today, some people consider expressing emotions to be a sign of weakness. Those who wish to appear strong try to hide their feelings. But expressing our grief can help us deal with our intense sorrow when a loved one dies.

Job 1:20-22At this, Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised."In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing.Job did not hide his overwhelming grief. He had not lost his faith in God; instead, his emotions showed that he was human and that he loved his family. God created our emotions, and it is not sinful or inappropriate to express them as Job did. If you have experienced a deep loss, a disappointment, or, a heartbreak, admit your feelings to yourself and others and grieve.

Psalm 55:22Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.To cast our burden upon God is to rest upon his providence and promise. And if we do so, he will carry us in the arms of his power, and will strengthen our spirits by his Spirit, so that they shall sustain the trial. He will never suffer the righteous to be moved; to be so shaken by any troubles, as to quit their duty to God, or their comfort in him. He will not suffer them to be utterly cast down. He, who bore the burden of our sorrows, desires us to leave to him to bear the burden of our cares, that, as he knows what is best for us, he may provide it accordingly. Why do not we trust Christ to govern the world which he redeemed?.

Isaiah 66:12-14For this is what the LORD says: "I will extend peace to her like a river,and the wealth of nations like a flooding stream; you will nurse and be carried on her arm and dandled on her knees. As a mother comforts her child, so will I comfort you; and you will be comforted over Jerusalem." When you see this, your heart will rejoice and you will flourish like grass; the hand of the LORD will be made known to his servants, but his fury will be shown to his foes.

The true happiness of all Christians is increased by every convert brought to Christ. The gospel brings with it, wherever it is received in its power, such a river of peace, as will carry us to the ocean of boundless and endless bliss. Divine comforts reach the inward man; the joy of the Lord will be the strength of the believer. Both God's mercy and justice shall be manifested, and for ever magnified.

Lamentations 3:31-33For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men.

Having stated his distress and temptation, the prophet shows how he was raised above it. Bad as things are, it is owing to the mercy of God that they are not worse. We should observe what makes for us, as well as what is against us. God's compassions fail not; of this we have fresh instances every morning. Portions on earth are perishing things, but God is a portion for ever. It is our duty, and will be our comfort and satisfaction, to hope and quietly to wait for the salvation of the Lord.

Matthew 5:4Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.

Those that mourn are happy. That godly sorrow which works true repentance, watchfulness, a humble mind, and continual dependence for acceptance on the mercy of God in Christ Jesus, with constant seeking the Holy Spirit, to cleanse away the remaining evil, seems here to be intended. Heaven is the joy of our Lord; a mountain of joy, to which our way is through a vale of tears. Such mourners shall be comforted by their God

Matthew 11:25-30Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

It becomes children to be grateful. When we come to God as a Father, we must remember that he is Lord of heaven and earth, which obliges us to come to him with reverence as to the sovereign Lord of all; yet with confidence, as one able to defend us from evil, and to supply us with all good. Our blessed Lord added a remarkable declaration, that the Father had delivered into his hands all power, authority, and judgment. We are indebted to Christ for all the revelation we have of God the Father's will and love, ever since Adam sinned. Our Savior has invited all that labor and are heavy-laden, to come unto him. In some senses all men are so. Worldly men burden themselves with fruitless cares for wealth and honors; the gay and the sensual labor in pursuit of pleasures; the slave of Satan and his own lusts, is the merest drudge on earth. Those who labor to establish their own righteousness also labor in vain. The convinced sinner is heavy-laden with guilt and terror; and the tempted and afflicted believer has labors and burdens. Christ invites all to come to him for rest to their souls. He alone gives this invitation; men come to him, when, feeling their guilt and misery, and believing his love and power to help, they seek him in fervent prayer. Thus it is the duty and interest of weary and heavy-laden sinners, to come to Jesus Christ. This is the gospel call; Whoever will, let him come. All who thus come will receive rest as Christ's gift, and obtain peace and comfort in their hearts. But in coming to him they must take his yoke, and submit to his authority. They must learn of him all things, as to their comfort and obedience. He accepts the willing servant, however imperfect the services. Here we may find rest for our souls and here only. Nor need we fear his yoke. His commandments are holy, just, and good. It requires self-denial, and exposes to difficulties, but this is abundantly repaid, even in this world, by inward peace and joy. It is a yoke that is lined with love. So powerful are the assistances he gives us, so suitable the encouragements, and so strong the consolations to be found in the way of duty, that we may truly say, it is a yoke of pleasantness. The way of duty is the way of rest. The truths Christ teaches are such as we may venture our souls upon. Such is the Redeemer's mercy; and why should the laboring and burdened sinner seek for rest from any other quarter? Let us come to him daily, for deliverance from wrath and guilt, from sin and Satan, from all our cares, fears, and sorrows. But forced obedience, far from being easy and light, is a heavy burden. In vain do we draw near to Jesus with our lips, while the heart is far from him? Then come to Jesus to find rest for your souls.

John 14:1-4Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God [; trust also in me. In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.Here are three words, upon any of which stress may be laid. Upon the word troubled. Be not cast down and disquieted. The word heart. Let your heart be kept with full trust in God. The word your. However others are overwhelmed with the sorrows of this present time, be not you so. Christ's disciples, more than others, should keep their minds quiet, when everything else is unquiet. Here is the remedy against this trouble of mind, “Believe.” By believing in Christ as the Mediator between God and man, we gain comfort. The happiness of heaven is spoken of as in a father's house. There are many mansions, for there are many sons to be brought to glory. Mansions are lasting dwellings. Christ will be the Finisher of that of which he is the Author or Beginner; if he has prepared the place for us, he will prepare us for it.

Matthew 14:13-1413When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.

Jesus sought solitude after the news of John’s death. Sometimes we may need to deal with our grief alone. Jesus did not swell on his grief, but returned to the ministry he came to do. Jesus performed some miracles as signs of his identity. He used other miracles to teach important truths. But here we read that he healed people because he “had compassion on them.” Jesus was, and is, a loving, caring, and feeling person. When you are suffering, remember that Jesus hurts with you. He has compassion on you.

1 Corinthians 15:52-57In a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed. For the perishable must clothe itself with the imperishable and the mortal with immortality. When the perishable has been clothed with the imperishable, and the mortal with immortality, then the saying that is written will come true: "Death has been swallowed up in victory." "Where, O death is your victory? Where, O death is your sting?” The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks are to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

All the saints should not die, but all would be changed. In the gospel, many truths, before hidden in mystery, are made known. Death never shall appear in the regions to which our Lord will bear his risen saints. Therefore let us seek the full assurance of faith and hope, that in the midst of pain, and in the prospect of death, we may think calmly on the horrors of the tomb; assured that our bodies will there sleep, and in the mean time our souls will be present with the Redeemer. Sin gives death all its hurtful power. The sting of death is sin; but Christ, by dying, has taken out this sting; he has made atonement for sin, he has obtained remission of it. The strength of sin is the law. None can answer its demands, endure its curse, or do away his own transgressions. Hence terror and anguish. And hence death is terrible to the unbelieving and the impenitent. Death may seize a believer, but it cannot hold him in its power. How many springs of joy to the saints, and of thanksgiving to God, are opened by the death and resurrection, the sufferings and conquests of the Redeemer! In 1Co_15:58, we have an exhortation that believers should be steadfast, firm in the faith of that gospel which the apostle preached, and they received. Also, to be unmovable in their hope and expectation of this great privilege, of being raised incorruptible and immortal. And to abound in the work of the Lord, always doing the Lord's service, and obeying the Lord's commands. May Christ give us faith, and increase our faith, that we may not only be safe, but joyful and triumphant.

2 Corinthians 1:3-5Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.We are encouraged to come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need. The Lord is able to give peace to the troubled conscience, and to calm the raging passions of the soul. These blessings are given by him, as the Father of his redeemed family. It is our Savior who says; Let not your heart be troubled. All comforts come from God, and our sweetest comforts are in him. He speaks peace to souls by granting the free remission of sins; and he comforts them by the enlivening influences of the Holy Spirit, and by the rich mercies of his grace. He is able to bind up the broken-hearted, to heal the most painful wounds, and also to give hope and joy under the heaviest sorrows. The favors God bestows on us are not only to make us cheerful, but also that we may be useful to others. He sends comforts enough to support such as simply trust in and serve him. If we should be brought so low as to despair even of life, yet we may then trust God, who can bring back even from death. Their hope and trust were not in vain; nor shall any be ashamed who trust in the Lord. Past experiences encourage faith and hope, and lay us under obligation to trust in God for time to come. And it is our duty, not only to help one another with prayer, but in praise and thanksgiving, and thereby to make suitable returns for benefits received. Thus both trials and mercies will end in good to us and others.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.When God does not take away our troubles and temptations, yet, if he gives grace enough for us, we have no reason to complain. Grace signifies the good-will of God towards us, and that is enough to enlighten and enliven us, sufficient to strengthen and comfort in all afflictions and distresses. His strength is made perfect in our weakness. Thus his grace is manifested and magnified. When we are weak in ourselves, then we are strong in the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ; when we feel that we are weak in ourselves, and then we go to Christ, receive strength from him, and enjoy most the supplies of Divine strength and grace.

1 Thessalonians 4:13Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope.Here is comfort for the relations and friends of those who die in the Lord. Grief for the death of friends is lawful; we may weep for our own loss, though it may be their gain. Christianity does not forbid, and grace does not do away, our natural affections. Yet we must not be excessive in our sorrows; this is too much like those who have no hope of a better life. Death is an unknown thing, and we know little about the state after death; yet the doctrines of the resurrection and the second coming of Christ, are a remedy against the fear of death, and undue sorrow for the death of our Christian friends; and of these doctrines we have full assurance. It will be some happiness that all the saints shall meet, and remain together for ever; but the principal happiness of heaven is to be with the Lord, to see him, live with him, and enjoy him for ever. We should support one another in times of sorrow; not deaden one another's spirits, or weaken one another's hands. And this may be done by the many lessons to be learned from the resurrection of the dead, and the second coming of Christ. What! comfort a man by telling him he is going to appear before the judgment-seat of God! Who can feel comfort from those words? That man alone with whose spirit the Spirit of God bears witness that his sins are blotted out, and the thoughts of whose heart are purified by the Holy Spirit, so that he can love God, and worthily magnify his name. We are not in a safe state unless it is thus with us, or we are desiring to be so.

Revelation 7:17For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."God will provide for his children’s needs in their eternal home where there will be no hunger, thirst, or pain, and he will wipe away all tears. When you are suffering or torn apart by sorrow, take comfort in this promise of complete protection and relief. All who have been faithful through the ages are singing before God’s throne. Their tribulations and sorrows are over: no more tears for sin, for all sins are forgiven, no more tears for suffering, for all suffering is over, no more tears for death, for all believers have been resurrected to die no more.

Revelation 21:4He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away."All effects of former trouble shall be done away. They have often been in tears, by reason of sin, of affliction, of the calamities of the church; but no signs, no remembrance of former sorrows shall remain. Christ makes all things new. If we are willing and desirous that the gracious Redeemer should make all things new in order hearts and nature, he will make all things new in respect of our situation, till he has brought us to enjoy complete happiness.Each person’s timetable for healing is different. All loss is not the same loss. All grief is not the same grief. "How long would it take for the words, ‘Go on with my life,’ to drift through my consciousness?"Lots of time. Years, maybe. Society wants you to get over it and get on with your life, but God understands the process it will take to heal

Ecclesiastes 3 1-4There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,

God understands that even though we may have buried a loved one, we cannot bury our feelings. We need time to vent—and invent ways of coping with the loss in our lives.God records in his Word that people in biblical days were in no hurry to rush through the process of grief.

Neither should you

We cannot always understand the why.But we can lay hold of the Who. No matter what happens to us. No matter what the loss, God’s hand is still stretched out to us.The Bible does not promise the absence of grief – only the presence of God:

Psalm 31:9Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief.

David's troubles made him a man of sorrows. Herein he was a type of Christ, who was acquainted with grief. David acknowledged that his afflictions were merited by his own sins, but Christ suffered for ours. David's friend’s durst not give him any assistance. Let us not think it strange if thus deserted, but make sure of a Friend in heaven who will not fail. God will be sure to order and dispose all for the best, to all those who commit their spirits also into his hand. The time of life is in God's hands, to lengthen or shorten, make bitter or sweet, according to the counsel of his will. The way of man is not in himself, nor in our friend's hands, nor in our enemies' hands, but in God's.

Spiritual expressions of grief may include questioning the reason for your loss, the purpose of pain and suffering, the purpose of life, and the meaning of deathA partner. Loss of a partner usually also means the loss of a constant companion. Loss of a partner can also cause financial hardship, and sometimes a loss of standing or recognition within the community. It is especially important to maintain connection with friends and family when grieving the loss of a partner. It can take 2 or more years to go through a grieving process. The length of time spent grieving depends on your relationship with the lost person, object, or way of life. Even after 2 years, you may reexperience feelings of grief, especially over the loss of your loved one. Be prepared for this to happen during holidays, birthdays, and other special events, which typically revive feelings of grief.

Some grief experts consider grieving to be the slow recovery from a crisis of attachment: After losing something or someone to whom you are deeply attached, your sense of self and security is disrupted. As you adjust to a major loss, your goal is therefore to develop or strengthen connections with other people, places, or activities. These new parts of your life are not meant to replace what you have lost. Instead, they serve to support you as you begin to start a new phase of your life.

Managing your feelings of grief

Your feelings are unique. Each person handles emotions and feelings differently. Find the way to deal with your emotions that fits you. Although it is possible to delay or postpone grieving, it is not possible to avoid grieving altogether. Grief will subside over time. However, the grieving process does not happen in a step-by-step or orderly fashion. Give yourself all the time you need to identify, accept, and express your emotions.Support is important during the grieving process.

Feelings of grief vary depending on your personality, past experiences, the length of time that has passed since your loss, and the personal importance of that loss to you. After losing a loved one, the nature of your past relationship will also affect the way you grieve. When grieving, it is normal to feel sadness and a yearning for the person that you have lost. Feeling worried, anxiety, frustration, confusion, anger, or guilt is a normal process as well. During your grieving you may feel insecure and alone and want to isolate yourself from others. Your personality, coping style, and past experiences influence how you deal with your feelings.

The grieving process is the only way to work through your loss. Successfully dealing with your feelings helps you adjust to your loss, eventually stop yearning for what you have lost, and return to your normal daily activities. Grieving a major loss may help you grow emotionally. You may learn something new about yourself. For example, you may learn that you have more inner strength than you thought you had.

How can I manage my grief?

Identify your feelings Sometimes after a loss, it is hard to figure out exactly what you are feeling. You may have several feelings at the same time or conflicting feelings, such as sadness and relief. Writing is a good way to identify what you are feeling. Writing about what you feel can:Stimulate thinking and help you organize and analyze your thoughts.Deepen your understanding of a situation and may help you get in touch with feelings you had not recognized before.Prompt you to reflect on what is happening to you. This can help you put things into perspective and come to an understanding of how the changes affect your life.

When you are ready:
Set aside time to write.Choose a private, comfortable place to do your writing.Choose a method of writing. You may choose to write a letter to your loved one, for example, or a poem or story.Don't worry about how well you write. Write about everyday occurrences or conversations you have had.Write what you feel. Don't screen your thoughts; give yourself permission to write whatever comes to mind. Strong feelings (such as fear, anger, or frustration) may arise. Write about simple pleasures and joys you have experienced, too. If you have concerns about your strong feelings, talk with a trusted friend, member of the clergy, or mental health professional.

Accept your feelings

Talk with people about how you are feeling. Resist the urge to be quiet around or avoid people. If you are having trouble talking about your feelings with family members and friends, consider joining a bereavement support group.Express your emotions. You may feel that this is a sign of weakness, or that you won't be able to control yourself if you show your emotions. None of these is true. However, if you are afraid that you might harm yourself or someone else if you express an emotion, talk with someone you trust, your health professional, or a mental health professional about your concerns.Be patient and kind to yourself. Your feelings may be unpredictable and uncomfortable. Remind yourself that your uncomfortable feelings are expected and will fade as time goes on.

I pray that this study has helped you to understand the journey that you are on. It isn’t an easy one, but as long as we hold onto God’s hand, He will walk beside us, and when we think that we can no longer walk through the valley’s He will carry us through. I am still walking through the journey but as the days go by the tears are flowing less.